The Thing We Hunger For And Almost Never Ask

We may imagine the way we are now is normal. We’re skilled at justifying the way things are. And yet we really don’t have to be like this. Having worked with 100’s of people one-to-one, it turns out we almost all lack something. Some of us are aware we lack something. Others just believe it won’t get any better.

So what do we lack? Language is an imperfect tool, carrying associations and missing others, but the best word may be connection. To varying degrees we’re disconnected from self and from one another, we’re disconnected from the present and from future possibilities, we’re even disconnected from our purpose. How do you sense disconnectedness? When life makes no sense – your life, other people’s lives, the whole of life – the whole thing does not seem to hang together. That provides a clue.

We’re unlikely to say to one another, “I feel a little disconnected hesunsetre. Would you help me connect?” Of course there’s more complexity here. You can be more connected with self and less connected with others, or the other way round. It’s easy to know when you really connect with another person. You might feel a connection with all of life when you gaze into a sunset.

In life there’s going to be some disconnection. I have the experience of being me and you of being you. But at a deeper level, it may be obvious that life exists, that we are all part of it, and that we are connected. There’s you, me, and the connection between us. While theory can create an opening, experience is more powerful.

What can you do to experience more connection? Make some time to encounter yourself. Ask yourself who you are, who you are choosing to be in this life. Believe it or not, this is your life. Make time to connect with others. Who are they, who are they being, and what are they about? Let your sense-of-self, the lens thru which you see the world drop out of the way, so you can really see them. And make time to wonder: what is this life about? These are your questions. There may be none more important.

One further comment, it’s OK to feel disconnection. The more you become aware of disconnection – without reaction – the more you can be aware of opportunities to deepen connection. So let’s connect.

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